im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
