i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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