Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
