You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
