You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Duck Duck Cougar?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
