oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
