So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
