three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
