yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
