On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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