well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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