His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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