Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
