How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
