if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
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How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
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You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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