your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
