Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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