I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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