dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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