We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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