are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
