I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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