Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
