when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
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All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize