I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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