I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
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We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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