So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
