Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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