Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
