highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
