I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I AM VODKA MAN
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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