Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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