It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
