i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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