I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just tell him i said nine months
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize