Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
