I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
