Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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