I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize