When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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