I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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