remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
