this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
