Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
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My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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