dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Floor bacon is actually really good
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
