Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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