i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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