She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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