he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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