plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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