I feel like abortions should bother me more
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
