Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
