I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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