i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
