I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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