remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
