i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
