Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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