So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
