I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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