I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
