This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was born a porn star she said
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
