After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
BRING THE BAGELS
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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