That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
