i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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