I like my sex mixed with concussions.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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