he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
