he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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