I accidentally had phone sex last night
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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