That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
