I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
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No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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