I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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