my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
